My good friend has always been in a very low mood recently and seems to be suffering from depression. I want to help him, but I don’t know what to do. Besides accompanying him, how else can I express my concern to him so that I can help him?
Once you’ve determined whether he has clinical depression and learned what words can give a friend strength, you should also know what words you shouldn’t say to him easily.
If the following words sound familiar, cut them out of your mantra.
This is all in your mind and you need to think positively
Optimism and a hopeful outlook are certainly important, but more importantly, positive thinking doesn’t always work, especially when forcing yourself to be optimistic.
Telling a depressed friend to “face it positively” or “cheer up” conveys a hint to him/her: your feelings are not real, the things you care about are not a big deal, and you can “control” your depression. This kind of suggestion will make the friend feel worse and will not help him at all.
I understand how you feel
This may come naturally to you when you want to show concern for a depressed friend.
Although you have good intentions at this moment and are trying to resonate with him or her, you must know that everyone’s emotions and feelings are unique. Even if you have experienced depression yourself, you cannot accurately understand another person’s emotions and feelings. What do people with depression feel like?
Much better than…
If your friend tells you that he or she is feeling very depressed, be sure not to compare her or her situation to others or imaginary “worse” bad situations. For example: “You are better than so-and-so”, “At least you don’t…” and “You think the current situation is very bad but in fact…” These words will not only make him feel that you don’t understand him but also aggravate his depression.
Therefore, don’t say these words to a depressed friend, respect all of his or her feelings and emotions, and thank him or her for sharing them with you. At the same time, you can tell her that you will do your best to support her during this time.
You should feel happy/grateful…
There is nothing wrong with being grateful for everything you have, but if you insist on emphasizing this to your depressed friend, it will only make his mood worse and worse, because you are sending him a message: You are not grateful, you are too grateful. Being greedy and dissatisfied with everything.
Don’t take yourself too seriously
- This sentence will convey a hint to friends with depression that “you are making trouble unreasonably”: your current bad situation is caused by your own too much thinking.
- Remember, teasing your depressed friend or joking about his/her condition does not bring levity or humor and will not help him or her in any way.
You are too pessimistic
If you say something like “Stop being so negative”, “You are such an overthinker” or “You are so pathetic” to a depressed friend, this is not only an offense to him, but also a reflection of yours. Problem – Lack of understanding of depression and lack of empathy.
Depression or other mental health issues are not just a matter of pessimism or optimism; there are many complex factors involved. Therefore, please do not say these cruel words to a depressed friend when you don’t understand anything.
You are too selfish
Depression has nothing to do with selfishness. Even a kind and giving person can suffer from depression.
Depression is often an isolating state, and your friend may become “apathetic” and uninterested in anything when stuck in this state, but this is not selfish.
Cheer up and smile more
Words like “Cheer up”, “Be happy”, and “Smile more” cannot help your depressed friend at all. You have to understand that the causes of depression are very complex and may involve changes in brain function. It is not something that he or she can do. It can be controlled at will. If possible, it is also unwilling to suffer from depression. Therefore, advising a friend to “pretend to be happy” won’t help him or her.
You have to be strong and don’t be too weak
This sentence is as harmful to a depressed friend as “Cheer up” and “Be optimistic”. It not only shows your ignorance but also sends a message to the other party: you are suffering from depression because you are in a certain situation. To the extent that you are flawed, it is entirely your problem, and you should cheer up and use willpower to “beat” depression.
But you look happy
Depression is different from other mental illnesses. It is not necessarily those who look depressed who suffer from depression. People who look happy and always smiling may also suffer from depression – sunshine depression.
Conclusion
Therefore, if your friend tells you that he may be suffering from depression, please do not ask him to prove it to you, but believe him unconditionally and respect his feelings. You don’t know what he is going through, and you don’t have to completely understand how they feel, you just need to be by their side and support them.