In a culture of toxic positivity, it can feel especially bad when you wake up and don’t feel completely happy. The situation may be even more serious when you open your Instagram or Facebook feed and see a friend smiling on vacation or at a wedding.
It’s easy to feel like you should be happy, but experts say it’s much more than that — and there may be behaviors and beliefs that are keeping you from feeling your best.
Below, mental health experts share the thought patterns, limiting behaviors and beliefs that most impact your happiness and fulfillment, as well as their best tips for combating negative emotions.
Shame, Guilt And Worry
Shame, guilt, and worry are the most common happiness saboteurs. When you experience one of these feelings, you are tying yourself to past life experiences or worrying about the future. So we’re not in the present moment, which really destroys contentment and happiness.
Practicing self-compassion is one way to combat these emotions. It’s also important to maintain grace and practice mindfulness so you can live in the present moment.
Hawaiian Ho’oponopono is a great way to solve it.
These are four phrases that just say, ‘I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you, I love you. You can try closing your eyes and reciting this mantra four times.
They really touched on all those areas: guilt, shame, all of that. Love will then remind you to love yourself, and sometimes even doing this while you are looking at yourself in the mirror can help.
Gratitude is another way to help combat feelings of shame, guilt, and worry.
If we can focus on the things that we’re grateful for, so if we tend to be critical of our bodies or our performance, then actually just express gratitude for the way our bodies hold us up or the way we show up , you can quickly solve the problem.
Not Taking Action In Your Life
Some people don’t typically pursue activities, decisions, or passions that make them happy. This might look like staying in an unsatisfying relationship or avoiding changing jobs because it feels comfortable.
For some people, they get stuck in these cycles of rumination. What stops them from doing is actually taking action.
Procrastination or even fear and anxiety can play a role, but for others it’s a way of deviating from behavior because they’re too focused on others rather than adapting to what they need to do.
Do you find yourself obsessed with your sister’s poor love life decisions? Then you may fall into the category of deflection.
Not taking action in life sometimes also has to do with not having a strong connection with yourself, so maybe those are the two branches of happiness.
Conscious action must be taken to live a happier life. In a society that is overproduced and always busy, sometimes action can actually be a retreat. Taking action needs to be relevant to what’s going on in your life – like your goals and desires.
Many people may feel scared due to the risks involved. Therefore, it is important to understand that no matter what trajectory you take, you will make mistakes; no matter what trajectory you take, you will make mistakes. This is a non-negotiable thing on your path.
So if you’re always holding back from taking action because you’re afraid of screwing up, that can really lead to paralysis – almost decision-making paralysis, action paralysis.
When taking action, take small steps, which may not be as exciting as big steps because there won’t be immediate gratification, but change often comes from small shifts.
Comparing Yourself To Others
Comparative thinking is another happiness-robbing behavior. Comparative thinking comes to mind when you scroll through social media and you see this person who seems to have it all…their life in little photos and posts is amazing.
Even if you don’t actually say or think to yourself “I want this” or “I wish I had this,” just seeing different situations allows you to naturally compare yourself to the people you follow on social media.
Unfortunately, I think this is how our culture and society is set up. Sometimes that can be a good thing to keep things competitive and keep us learning and growing and always striving to be the best, but I think sometimes our culture and society takes it a little too far and you’re constantly comparing yourself Compare yourself to others, or compare what you have with what others have or don’t have.
To stop comparing yourself to others so much, you can limit your time on social media. Instead of opening Instagram or Facebook as soon as you wake up, open your Notes app and write down five things you’re grateful for.
Starting your day with gratitude can be a great way to structure your day in a positive way to get your endorphins kicking in and get more of a happy feeling.
Also, remember that what you see on social media or the curated stories you hear from loved ones isn’t the whole story.
It’s really hard to feel satisfied with your life when you compare yourself to other people who are truly bringing out the best in their lives. We often don’t have much access to people’s most challenging moments, the ebb and flow of nature.This vulnerability is often not recognized by society.
Think about it, when someone shares something that isn’t positive, you think they’re “oversharing” or “attention seeking.” In this unintentional way, we really encourage people to put their best foot forward, show off their beautiful moments and stay positive.
So keep that in mind the next time your favorite celebrity shares a photo from a glam party or your neighbor posts an update about their home renovation.
‘Should’ Statements
Another thing related to comparative thinking is expectations, such as what your life should be or should be like.
These are called “should” statements. They may be small, like “I should do the laundry today,” or, more often, vague, like “I should be further along in my career by now,” or “I should be more content.”
When thinking about “should” statements, you are leaving the present moment.
If you can, try and focus on really being where you are, look at the things around you, the things that are right in front of you at this moment, and try to find something in it that you can appreciate, even if a situation is really difficult.This can help you feel lighter and happier.
Not Having A Strong Connection With Yourself
As an adult, a lack of a strong connection with yourself can take a toll on your well-being. This looks like outsourcing your values without understanding your own values, your own limitations, and your own strengths.
If you are someone who outsources your worth, how you feel about yourself comes from how others and society at large view you. Furthermore, if you don’t understand your values, limitations, and strengths, you’ll have a hard time identifying the things that make you feel fulfilled—or, conversely, leave you feeling empty.
It’s important to know yourself, and that includes accepting your flaws.
This doesn’t mean you’re blind to your limitations, but it’s really about how you deal with them.
As you become more connected to yourself, you can learn what you need to fill your cup, such as setting healthy boundaries.
It really starts with these little things.Positive small talk, affirmations, and doing things independently will give you the confidence to take action.
Ignoring Deeper Problems
In a society that encourages a glass-half-full mentality, being honest and vulnerable can feel difficult. But when you address deep-rooted issues, you’re actually damaging your well-being—especially when it comes to trauma.
We know that trauma is very prevalent in our society in many different ways, right? Whether it’s trauma that people experience in relationships, family and childhood, adulthood, racial trauma… homophobia, xenophobia towards others: all the hard things in life that really overwhelm our ability to cope with certain times.
Although it’s difficult, she says it’s important to unpack your trauma in order to gain the joy you deserve in life. If we are really going to find a place for healing, we have to look at what’s going on underneath.
Being able to explore and understand people’s experiences in life, even if those experiences are challenging and negative, I think is part of achieving happiness.
If you can’t find a way to work through and face life’s challenges honestly, then you’re not being true to yourself, it’s unfair to yourself, and it won’t help your happiness or recovery.
Additionally, people have difficulty feeling happy because underlying mental health issues biologically prevent them from feeling joy—think depression, mood disorders.
In these cases, additional interventions may be needed, such as lifestyle changes, medication management, or support from a therapist. If you think you fall into this category, you can check out databases like Psychology Today to find a mental health provider to help you feel better.
Isolation
Isolation is a major cause of unhappiness and even depression. We stay connected on social media, but I think it’s important that we think about who we connect with today.
It has become common to go days without contact with loved ones or the community, which can lead to feelings of loneliness and make you feel isolated.
To help yourself feel less isolated, call your family, invite a friend or neighbor over for a drink, or plan an after-get off work dinner with a coworker.
How Else To Capture More Joy In Your Everyday Life
The first step is to create an intention. When we wake up, most of us think about their extensive to-do lists. Also think about how I want to feel today – you know that will start the day differently.
For example, if you say you want to feel relaxed today, you might consider what you could add to the day to evoke that feeling.
Some people will also think – this may be a bit dark, what if this is his last day? How does he want to live his life?
So if she doesn’t want to panic or hold a grudge, she makes sure her actions reflect that throughout the day.
We may all be experiencing deeper trauma, but the one thing we can control is literally the moment in front of us.
Also, try not to let “happiness” be your end result.
One thing you have to remember is that you must avoid thinking of happiness as a goal or end result.
Don’t think of happiness as a destination, think of it as choices along the way. Part of embracing happiness and opening yourself up to it is accepting the ups and downs.
Remember, even in your lowest moments, you have to be open to looking for the good, and even in your highest moments, you have to be grounded enough to remember that everything is temporary and the ebbs and flows of life are normal.
It’s not a goal or an end result to which your happiness needs to be tied. Because if you do that, you’ll always be looking for fleeting moments.
In addition to happiness, you should also strive to pursue a life filled with joy and fulfillment. Happiness looks different to different people, which can put a strain on the word “happiness.” It’s easier to understand if you feel happy and content in your life.